A Melancholy Note – Adult Content
Summary: A seventeen year old Kalyia meets a nineteen year old Shadeem and quickly becomes infatuated with him. His confidence and swag, along with his deep understanding of who she is, boosts the attraction she has for him. In the beginning, he feeds that never-ending loneliness she carries. He makes her believe that their connection is unbreakable. As their relationship changes, she misses the signs that scream something’s wrong! Before she knows it, her world has drastically changed. What once was truth and love becomes lies and pain. She makes a choice that will forever change their lives. There is no coming back from what she’s done and now the stage is set for unimaginable violence and heartbreaking love.
I headed down the hallway and the only thing I noticed was how dark everything was. There was only one light, and it was coming from the bottom of Sean’s office door. I got to his door and eased it open. I saw him sitting in the chair with a bottle of vodka to his mouth. He heard the door open and threw the bottle at the door. I closed the door quickly to keep the bottle from hitting me. When I heard the crash, I opened the door and walked in.
“What?” he yelled, turning the chair back around.
“What’s wrong with you?”
He put the palm of his hand on his forehead as if he was in pain. Then he lifted his head up and glared at me.
“Tell me why you love him. After everything he did to you, you still love him. I took you all around town looking for him, all the while feeling sick inside because of what he did to you. Yet, you still loved him enough to want him back. Why?”
“I don’t know, I just do. What if I told you it is because I met him first?”
At this point I was really trying to make him feel better. The truth was that I really did love my husband, very much. He had my heart because that’s just where it belonged. Our love felt right, regardless of it all. I did care for Sean deeply. If there were no Shadeem, he would probably have had my heart in the same way.
“Why does it matter that you met him first?”
“It wouldn’t if I didn’t love him. If you didn’t care about him this wouldn’t be bothering you this much.”
“No, I care about you Kalyia. I’m trying to deal with us.”
“Tell me what you feel. Tell me what you want.” I asked, but I already knew the answer.
“I can’t do this to you.”
“I did this to you. I gave you hope that night. I was wrong, but you were there for me and I needed you. I want to return that favor.”
“Not just that night,” Sean reminded me.
He got up out of the chair and came over to the door where I was standing. I leaned against the wall as he put his left-hand on one side of me, and his right hand on the other side of me pinning me against the wall.
“What do you need to make this ok? Tell me what it is and I will give it to you Sean.”
“Stay with me tonight.”
“Don’t do this to me. You know how I feel about you.”
“If I asked you to make love to me tonight, would you?”
I did not answer him; I just stood there as tears welled up in my eyes. I thought I had let him go with that last kiss in the kitchen. I was wrong. He picked me up and started to walk over to the couch.
“Don’t cry. I need you,” he said as he laid me down.
I laid there letting him make all of the moves. I felt him start to undo the button on my shirt as he was kissing my shoulder. He started to kiss up my neck and I grabbed his face. I pulled him up to me, and I kissed him with as much passion as I could give him. How did this happen? How did I fall for two men? To top it off, these men were best friends. They both cared about me genuinely. I didn’t know what to do, but I needed to make a decision. In my mind, I could see the future if I let this take place. He would slide himself inside of me, and I would feel nothing but pure pleasure. Our playful connection would be sealed, and our craving for each other would be as strong as an addiction to cocaine. He would be a part of me and then…there would be three.
“We can’t do this,” I said to Sean.
“You’re drunk and I don’t want to do this to Shadeem.”
“Can we not talk about him tonight?”
“Sean, this is about him. He is between us. But not like a roadblock because he belongs there.”
“Baby, this shit really hurts,” he said, looking up at me.
“I see that, but you didn’t sleep with me the night you came to my house.”
“So you are going to punish me for that?” He said, cutting me off.
“This is not a punishment.”
“Just stay here with me tonight. I won’t ask more than that of you, I promise. For tonight, just be mine.”
“I can do that, but then I would have to cover this night with lies.”
“I’ll take care of that, I promise.”
He laid his head on my chest and I rubbed the top of it.
“Sean, what do you need to make this better?”
“I fucked up and fell for someone I can’t have. She loves my best friend. She loves me too. I can tell that by the way she kisses me. You tell me what I should do.”
“Let her go,” I said.
“I can’t. I will always love you.”
“I love you too.”
“You know, if you were with anybody but him, I would fight to make you mine.”
“If it were anybody but him, I would be with you.”
“You would,” he said as he kissed me again.
He climbed on top of me and kissed me for what felt like an eternity. Then he laid behind me on the couch and wrapped his arms around me.
“I want you so much it hurts inside,” he said, whispering in my ear.
“I hate to say it, but I want you the same way.”
“Why do you hate to say it?”
“Because I really love Shadeem.”
“Then how could you want me?”
“I don’t know, but I do.”
“Then tell me.”
“It’s because you let him in your head, and before you knew it, he was able to take over. Now you can’t let go of him because he’s a part of who you are. He took a kid who didn’t know any better and made her love him. I know you love him, but you also know he will never love you and treat you as good as I would. I love you so much I took a back seat to him knowing I could make you happier than he ever could. None of this matters now because you made your choice.”
“You’re right. He took a kid and fucked with her head so she did not know whether she was coming or going. You also knew what he was doing to that kid and you never said a word to her. You tried, but your link to him was greater than your feelings for her. Now you want that same kid to let go of her ties. You know that’s not fair.”
“You’re right. I knew from the start he could never love you the right way and he would hurt you.”
“Because I knew you were exactly what he needed, and I loved him like a brother. I had no idea I would have these feelings for you.”
“So what now?”
“Do you really love me? I mean love me the way that you love him.”
“Honestly?” I asked.
“Yes. I need to know.”
“It’s hard to tell the difference sometimes. Then I look into his eyes and realize he loves me with everything he has. Do you understand what that means?”
“What do you see when you look into my eyes?” He asked as he got up off of the couch and bent down on his knees in front of me.
“All of me. The good and the bad because you know everything about me.”
“And I still love you. I know you aren’t going to leave him but…”
“I still need you. I can live with being second best as long as when you’re with me, I am the only thing on your mind,” he said, coming closer to me.
“Don’t say that; you’re not second to anyone.”
“I need you,” he said, kissing me again.
“I don’t know how to give you what you want.”
I watched him for the first time start to tear as he went into his pocket and pulled out a key.
“Please make love to me tonight. I really need you.”
“You deserve more than I can give you.”
“I can live with whatever you give me.”
“Are you sure?”
“I just want tonight.”